And welcome to Girlie’s Xmas Xtravaganza !
Well, the Festive Season is upon us and Girlie Geek Productions has been hard at work to bring you extra lolz.
We freely admit that it’s been far too quiet on this blog recently.
So now (drum roll… ) for your general delectation and delight, we bring you not one, not two but three snippets of humour to help get the party underway
Traditional Forensicator’s Xmas Quiz
Limber up, you Lab rats ! Answer the following questions as honestly as you can then count up your answers and see what category Forensicator you are !
1: A solicitor calls wanting vital picture evidence off a mobile do you:
a) Tell them it’ll be £700 + VAT and it’ll take 30 days to process.
b) Ask for the make & model and give a truthful prognosis on likely results.
c) Tell them it’ll be 60 quid – just chuck it in a Jiffy bag & post it to the Lab.
2: You hear the Met contract is up for grabs, anyone pitching for it has to do a test case. Do you:
a) Set the Lab’s best Rottweilers on it whilst charging their time to big-budget clients.
b) Take it too seriously & worry they’ve put Stego on there for a laugh.
c) Con Russ May into thinking it’s a real case & pay him to do it for you.
3: You win a large LE contract. Do you:
a) Sack the staff then get them back in on short contracts to maximise profits.
b) Rejoice for 15 minutes then worry that the weight of work might impact on standards.
c) Grab all the students and wannabies you can get your hands on to populate the mobile lab – they’ll only have to push buttons, anyhow.
4: The following statement describes how your organisation sees digital forensics:
a) It’s a gravy train – charge as much as you can for as little work as possible.
b) We eat, sleep and breathe forensics & have little else in the way of conversation.
c) Forensics? No time for that. Too busy making vacuous comments on Twitter.
5: The annual F3 conference is on. How do you spend the time?
a) Visiting all the vendors just to hoover up the sweeties and freebies.
b) Virtuously on Day 1, pie-eyed on Day 2 & completely wasted on Day 3.
c) Dolling out booze and forensic goodies to favoured police officers in an attempt to curry favour.
6: A nice fat civil case comes up but the box for analysis is a MacBook Air. Do you:
a) Suck your teeth, whinge about how difficult it’s going to be and double your normal quote.
b) Dig MacQuisition out of the storeroom, pronto.
c) Know naff all about Macs but take it on anyway.
Now check your score:
Mostly As – You are a medium to large scale forensic shop with nice modern offices in a reasonable location and enough contract work coming in to feel smugly secure. Good luck when you lose your main LE contract.
Mostly Bs – You are a small shop constantly taking on too much work for too little money and being way too thorough to cut much profit but you’re happy because you love the job and your clients think you’re heroes.
Mostly Cs – You are Kraptech Forensics.