Geekys’ Diary – War and Wyboston

Friday 2nd July, 1667

Up betimes about 7 o’clock and see the latest edition of Ye Economist is already laid out for me by my manservant, Grimace.  ‘Cyberwar – the threat from ye Internet’, screams the cover. I do wonder it has taken the media so long to wake up to the idea.  I stifle a yawn.   Reading, I am told that Cyberspace hath become the ‘fifth domain of warfare’ and this novelty followed by a breathless tale of how easily networks may be infiltrated and how dangerous stealthy is the rise of online crime and espionage.  It is a very comfort to knowe that, even as ye clouds of digital doom gather, the budget for both military and Lawe Enforcement is being slashed to the bone.

Pepys with iPad

This last hath been all the talk at ye ACPO conference at Wyboston this year, and I saw many a strong man weep into his beer over it.  And his whiskey, too.  Alas, I staid only one evening there, it being, effectively, a lock-out and none from ye private sector admitted except for the vendors of sundry Forensick tooles.   I am in the industry long enough to understand that they do enjoy making the thing unto an exclusive clubbe but methinks it doth go beyond the bounds to hang a sign inscribed: ‘All Coppers – Piss Off’ upon the door.

I had some pleasure on it, nonetheless, seeing many friends and hearing much gossip.  The people there did speak very badly of Paunchy O’Grouchy, for one.  This did surprise me, since he was long one of their number but now does lose respect on account of his attitude.  For he guards that forensick invention of his jealously and allows none to speak of another when they visit his coffee shoppe in Webbe Lane.  Some have found themselves ejected therefrom merely for mentioning other software.  I did concur with them that it would seem a contrary way to do business.

These are indeed strange times. While yet at Wyboston, I see a new forensick toole is vaunted which shall transforme the daily grind which is the lot of the analyst (do not they all?).  But though the miracle hath a name and a site be made for it on ye Internet, there is, as yet, nothing to buy.  This stops not the vendors from pushing it like mad and I am told many presentations are to be made about its manifold benefits.  Thence home, where a colleague who has attended one of these sessions doth text to say he is not convinced of the matter.  I wait to hear other opinions.

pigeon

Mr Geekys' AthlonII X4 Quad core Pigeon, Pye

I think to go to the Dog and Dongle for dinner but now comes Grimace in haste.  ‘Pye is come home, master,’ he calls, waving a note.  Some say Pigeon post be outmoded but our carriers may cross London walking faster than Vista Business boots.  So I to the office.  It is truly a great feature of FTK3 that a message be generated when an image be indexed complete.

sent from my iPad

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10 Responses to “Geekys’ Diary – War and Wyboston”

  1. pwnerer Says:

    Never a truest word spoke in haste, however I must take umbrage as an ‘exLE wtta btc LE’ (ex-LE who think they are better than current LE). (see happyasamonkey latest). I must protest that Paunchy O’Grouchy lost respect long before he joined the ‘exLE wtta btc LE’.

    • digitaldetective Says:

      Interesting. And thank you for the comment.
      Mr Geekys is grateful for any succulent snippets of inside dish. Anyone wishing to whisper in his ear will find him secreted in the snug at ye Olde Hushmaile tavern on:

      samgeekys@hushmail.com

      On with the false beards and moustaches, Gentlemen, and repair ye thither!

  2. Lee Whitfield Says:

    Hmm, what’s next? Ye Olde Forensics Candid Beach Photos? Ye Olde Forensic Investigators With Botched Boob Jobs? Or possibly Ye Olde Top Ten Forensic Divorces?
    You get my point. There are enough trashy magazines out there. Do you really want to drag the field down to ‘Heat Magazine’ status?
    What, if anything, does this contribute to the field?
    Also, I believe you tagged this post as ‘forensic humour’. I think that’s a bit of a stretch as there is no humour to be found here, just trash.
    I have much more to say about this but I think you get the point.
    This is akin to seeing the next issue of Nuts Magazine having a ‘Women of Digital Forensics’ special.
    Disgusting.

    • digitaldetective Says:

      Mr. Geekys writes: The learned Dr Johnson calls to show me a curious note from the same Mr Whitfield which he found on the notice board of the Happy Monkey coffee house. It reads:

      “…I think the commenters should probably adopt a policy such as ‘people in glass houses…’ or ‘if you can’t say anything nice…’.
      Grow up people, we’re not at primary school anymore.”

      The good Doctor also asks my opinion of the following definition for inclusion in his esteemed dictionary:
      Entry: hyp·o·crite Pronunciation: \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\ Function: noun
      Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritēs

      1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
      2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

      • Lee Whitfield Says:

        Really? Hypocrite? That’s what you’re going to try and hang me with? For telling people to grow up? My goodness, that’s a bit of a stretch.
        You’ll notice that I’m not talking about people specifically and that I don’t hide behind pseudonyms. I’m pretty honest in what I say and do. If you find statement hypocritical then that is fair enough, people are entitled to their own opinion but, my goodness, have the guts to put your own name to it.

      • digitaldetective Says:

        Ok. Point taken.

        GirlieGeek Productions apologise, without reservation, to all fictional characters mentioned specifically in Mr. Geekys’ Diary for any hurt or upset which may have been caused to their entirely contrived personas or, indeed, their non-existent family and friends.
        This apology applies particularly to Mr O’Grouchy, who, though a complete figment of the author’s imagination, would undoubtedly, if he were real, be the most pleasant, jolly and amenable man on the planet.
        Any non-fictional characters mentioned by Mr Geekys, hereinto, from, before and everafter – whether dead for the past 400 years, dead from the neck up, waist down or any combination of the same – can sort themselves out.

        No pigeons were insulted in the making of this apology.

  3. Neil E Dunne Says:

    I would never hide behind Sue D Nim – she is a slight woman who would not ideally hide my ample frame 😉

    • digitaldetective Says:

      I fear Sue Breekay would also be too slender. And my vertically challenged friend, Gnome D Plume would likely be too short. Perhaps the best cover would be afforded by a contact of Afro-Japanese extraction, Mr N’cog Nito. 🙂

  4. Mark McKinnon Says:

    As you are adding words to the good Doctors dictionary you might want to add this word to his esteemed dictionary:

    Ignorant

    ig·no·rant –adjective

    1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.

    2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact: ignorant of Volume Shadow Copy Service in Windows Vista/7.

    3. uninformed; unaware.

    4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement about Microsoft’s Volume Shadow Copy Service in Windows Vista/7.

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