Geekys’ Diary – War and Wyboston

Friday 2nd July, 1667

Up betimes about 7 o’clock and see the latest edition of Ye Economist is already laid out for me by my manservant, Grimace.  ‘Cyberwar – the threat from ye Internet’, screams the cover. I do wonder it has taken the media so long to wake up to the idea.  I stifle a yawn.   Reading, I am told that Cyberspace hath become the ‘fifth domain of warfare’ and this novelty followed by a breathless tale of how easily networks may be infiltrated and how dangerous stealthy is the rise of online crime and espionage.  It is a very comfort to knowe that, even as ye clouds of digital doom gather, the budget for both military and Lawe Enforcement is being slashed to the bone.

This last hath been all the talk at ye ACPO conference at Wyboston this year, and I saw many a strong man weep into his beer over it.  And his whiskey, too.  Alas, I staid only one evening there, it being, effectively, a lock-out and none from ye private sector admitted except for the vendors of sundry Forensick tooles.   I am in the industry long enough to understand that they do enjoy making the thing unto an exclusive clubbe but methinks it doth go beyond the bounds to hang a sign inscribed: ‘All Coppers – Piss Off’ upon the door.

I had some pleasure on it, nonetheless, seeing many friends and hearing much gossip.  The people there did speak very badly of Paunchy O’Grouchy, for one.  This did surprise me, since he was long one of their number but now does lose respect on account of his attitude.  For he guards that forensick invention of his jealously and allows none to speak of another when they visit his coffee shoppe in Webbe Lane.  Some have found themselves ejected therefrom merely for mentioning other software.  I did concur with them that it would seem a contrary way to do business.

These are indeed strange times. While yet at Wyboston, I see a new forensick toole is vaunted which shall transforme the daily grind which is the lot of the analyst (do not they all?).  But though the miracle hath a name and a site be made for it on ye Internet, there is, as yet, nothing to buy.  This stops not the vendors from pushing it like mad and I am told many presentations are to be made about its manifold benefits.  Thence home, where a colleague who has attended one of these sessions doth text to say he is not convinced of the matter.  I wait to hear other opinions.

Mr Geekys' AthlonII X4 Quad core Pigeon, Pye

I think to go to the Dog and Dongle for dinner but now comes Grimace in haste.  ‘Pye is come home, master,’ he calls, waving a note.  Some say Pigeon post be outmoded but our carriers may cross London walking faster than Vista Business boots.  So I to the office.  It is truly a great feature of FTK3 that a message be generated when an image be indexed complete.

sent from my iPad

Tags: forensic humour, forensics, Sam Geekys' diary